When Comfort Zones are No Longer a Comfort

For about 5 years now my partner and I have been orchestrating, totally on a volunteer basis, a fund raiser in Florida. It has been considered one of the more fun times for the Lesbian and Gay Community in our area. It has also always been conducted with dignity as both of us are fully aware of the “eyes of the homophobe” always looking on us, just waiting for the little mistake.

The people who operate the venue for this event and the employees who work at the facility have always, in the past, been 100% cooperative and as a result I personally have always felt welcomed at this venue. Indeed the employees love this event because they make a lot of money in tips and it is just a fun time.

But this year was different. It started out with threats by the “new” assistant manager. He informed us that if anyone found anything to be offensive, he would send all the employees home and thus shut down the fundraiser. Not being the spokesperson for the event I was silent, but in my mind I was wondering who is going to be the judge of what is offensive, knowing fully that of course he has set himself up to be the judge and, well jury is out of the question.

Would "offensive" to him be me hugging and kissing two lesbian women at the same time?, probably not, or would it be me planting a big wet kiss on my lover for all the hard work he has done? Who knows but I knew then and there that my personal conduct had to be in line with what the homophobic "straight" community considers to be "non-offensive" because this fundraiser is an important one, at least for us. (Did I fail to mention that this venue was closed to anyone other then those who bought tickets?)

So we started the evening off on a sour note and for me that sour note once again reminded me that intolerance and ignorance is still the prevailing modus operandi in America, even in what we think to be tolerant businesses and tolerant communities. Fortunetly, no one but a few of us knew what was going on and all of our guests had a great time and we raised a lot of money.

As the night went on, as busy as I was, I kept hearing partial conversations with employees, over the noise of the event, being conducted by this “assistant manager” that only confirmed what I perceived to be the truth when he laid out his initial threats (I am blessed with my mother’s ears that are not only large, they can pick up signals from space). The tidbits were about AIDS and our “lifestyle”, no mention of course that half the people there were lesbian women, who we have come to know as God’s chosen people since their risk of HIV/AIDS is nil.

The real scourge of the night was this assistant manager suggesting that the venue that he was operating was a “family” place. No thought or consideration that everyone who attended this function was part of a family, and that my partner and I have lived as a family for 39 years. Yes, ignorance and intolerance prevails.

I volunteered long hours preparing for this event and my partner worked twice as hard, probably more, to bring this fundraiser to a successful conclusion. A fundraiser that would benefit our young Gay and Lesbian kids, our family, and also bring good GLBT awareness films to our so called liberal community. And just one single homophobe was able to deny me the fun of the evening.

I guess the message is that comfort zones can always be destroyed by one single bigot.

Author's Note: I am pleased to post that this time bigotry lost out to common sense and the dignity of a minority. Bigotry lost out big time, as it should, all the time.